How To Make Facebook Friends In The Real World…
You are a student at Arizona State University…
You have 3 actual “real life” friends who tell you that you have the social skills of a South American Tree Sloth…And yet, according to Facebook, the world’s largest social network, you are a superstar with 5,000 Facebook friends….
You spend your days studying physics and alternate your evenings playing World of Warcraft (you are a level 80 Night Elf Druid) and posting photos of your pet gecko “Bilbo”, while randomly poking your small army of Facebook friends. (which is just too much poking really…)
Of course, you lead a completely normal, well-adjusted life…..
Until, you are invited to an “Event” in Downtown Tempe by one of your Facebook friends who invites people to events like a hyperactive spider monkey on Ritalin…
Friday night. 9pm. Mill Avenue.
You are standing in the middle of a crowded bar with a very large pink fizzy glass full of an unknown mixture of alcohol, crushed ice and food coloring…
You fail to comprehend why Tuesday would be considered fatter than any other day…
You spy a pretty blonde girl at the end of the bar. You approach and ask her if you were to “poke” her, would she reciprocate in kind and “poke” you too?
You are lying spread eagle on the floor of the bar. There is pink fizzy goo all over your brand new Star Wars T-Shirt. You feel the side of your face where there is a large red welt…
Remembering that “you only get a once in a lifetime opportunity so many times”, you make your way back over to the same pretty blonde girl and ask her if she would like to check out your “post”. You tell her that everyone likes your “post”, and you are sure that she will enjoy it too…
You are flying…flying into the cold night air…
The last thing that you see before landing onto an old homeless guy panhandling outside the bar on the sidewalk is the angry face of an extremely large man.
That angry face belongs to a man who is a bouncer and who curiously resembles a level 68 Goblin Warlock…
You wonder if the pretty blonde girl will ever comment on your “post”…
The homeless guy has a dog. It chews on your ankle.
As you walk down Mill Avenue, you see a short haired girl dressed in overalls. She looks just like a farm-girl. So, you ask her if she’d like to help you harvest your virtual corn. Or, you tell her, that you have a great pickle patch, if pickles are the type of tuber that she likes to pick.
You don’t understand how this girl expects you to “get lost” when you have Google Maps. So, you tell her that you’ll just follow her. In fact, you tell her that you are really quite good at following. You like to follow people. Following people is fun. You decide that you are definitely going to follow her…
Two very large and unpleasant Policemen escort you to a private jail cell…
Apparently, there are certain people who interpret excessive following behavior as “stalking”…
You do not want to poke or follow anyone here…
You decide to check in with FourSquare and discover that you are the “Mayor”…
You are the Mayor of the Tempe City Jail…
That is almost as cool as Farmville…
lol…
#MCO435
